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Tag Archives: faith
My life is bigger than it has ever been. It feels as if all the small paths I have walked are conjoining into a large open road that is full and busy and bustling with dreams realized. My life feels overflowing with relationships and new roles and exciting opportunities.
But most of the time I feel quite small.
Let me explain.
Our kids are big. They are in college and final years of high school. In many ways I feel like my husband and I have “accomplished” raising children…they are healthy, smart, kind and pretty amazing people.
I feel small in my parenting…teenagers come with all sorts of challenges. They are becoming real life people with real life minds and thoughts. Their problems are bigger, their feelings are bigger, and their needs are bigger. Most of the time my husband and I hope and pray every day we are making the right parenting decisions with each new turn in the road.
In the last couple of years I have been invited into some significant leadership and speaking roles in our church that are amazing–and scary big. I am incredibly grateful and excited about the opportunities. It is a exponential time of learning and growth for me, and the opportunity for influence and responsibility fits right in with what I feel called to do in this season.
I often feel unequipped and unqualified…the bigger the role, the more I sit in this place. This past year I have dealt with more insecurity and self-doubt and kicking myself after meetings for saying too much, or not saying enough, or saying the wrong thing…I think? I have questioned my wisdom, my intelligence, my ability to express coherent ideas. I have wrestled to find my voice–only to find it and then spend the next week analyzing what I said and how I could have said it differently or better.
Our marriage is big. We are just a few months shy of twenty-five years, and I can’t believe how much life Jon and I have shared together. I am so proud of the intentionality and work we have invested over the years, resulting in a strong and loving marriage at this significant milestone.
I often feel small in my marriage that I cherish so dearly. I worry that I am not showing up well, that I am not present like I want to be, that my dear husband and I are not spending as much quality time together that we could be. Marriage is a consistent practice in selflessness, service, and grace.
My opportunities for community are big. Not just in the church, but in our home. Starting in a couple of weeks our weekly neighborhood bible study resumes in our basement for its ninth year. It is a small group of women who carry in big suitcases of life’s challenges…and we unpack them together each Monday night in the light of God’s goodness and grace. And then on Wednesday morning, another group of women shed shoes at the front door and grab a steaming mug of coffee and sit through a class that is scary big for all of us, because we are looking deeply at our flaws and working hard at evolving into our better selves to carry into our spheres of influence.
I sometimes struggle in living up to these roles. Because leading assumes one knows how to guide others in whatever endeavor is present. It assumes the leader has figured “it” out, has perfected whatever they are leading in. But mostly I feel like I am trying to figure out my own messy life along with everyone else. And that doesn’t always make me feel confident or skilled at bringing others along the path we are on.
And my work life is big. This summer my design and painting company has grown to six employees not counting myself, full time work and referrals that book us out months at a time. I have never experienced this kind of role that is really about fourteen roles in one-accountant, customer service, marketing, CEO, fellow paint pusher, boss, scheduler, payroll manager, H.R., trainer and quality control. (I’m making the oval teeth emoji face right now.)
BUT I do not feel CEO big…
Just the opposite… because I know the responsibility I carry for my business name and reputation is one bad review away. I feel small under the weight of needing to train the amazing women that work for me well enough so that I don’t need to always be present–because my sanity lies in finding margin. I feel small knowing that we are being paid thousands of dollars to produce a near perfect product, and all the cogs in the wheel need to turn just right to make that happen.
So…my life feels pretty big at the moment. And REALLY small.
For me, this season is a juxtaposition of calling and fear and one more thing…PEACE.
In the midst of all the insecurity, I hold strongly and confidently to the fact that I am where I am supposed to be, at this perfect time, in this right season. I know this because I have spent too many years of my life pushing my own agenda, striving after dreams with self-propelled will.
This season is different. Each part of my life is present because a few years ago I surrendered my agenda to God. I decided that I was going nowhere without his plan being first, and that he couldn’t fulfill his plan for my life unless I got out of the way. And the opportunities began to literally fall in my lap, one after another.
So the peace I feel comes from this bigger plan out there. If I stumble or trip along the way, it’s okay. God is walking beside me in all of it, and heck, if he wants all this to be in my life than he can certainly manage my weaknesses.
God’s way is not our own. In our weakness, He is strong. In our insecurity, he is secure. IN OUR SMALLNESS, HE IS BIG.
And I can take a deep exhaling breath and rest in all of that.
How about you? What is BIG in your life? What makes you question your abilities, your strength, your wisdom? It may not be something good…it may be something very, very difficult. Health, marriage, parenting, work.
From my story, I would encourage you to turn it all over to God. Lay it in his large, capable hands. There you and I can stop striving.
What is God calling you to give to him today? Do you trust he has a better plan for your hours and days (even better than your own?), for your pain (he can bring great peace in the midst of it), and for your relationship with Him (he is ALL about relationship)?
I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides me there is no God;
I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know,
from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none
besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and
create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the
Lord, who does all these things. Isaiah 45:5-7
Friends, rest with me in the smallness. It means God is doing big thing around us…and more importantly…IN us. And he will equip us with all that we need for this season, right now.
Also…I created these prayer journals for the Fall. I will be creating a new version for each season of the year. If you are like me and need some structure during your prayer time to keep you focused, you might love one of these. They are a perfect size, to sit on your nightstand, on the table by your favorite chair in the morning, or to drop in your purse. $15, including shipping. Just click here to purchase now!
POSTED IN: church leadership, faith, faith blog, leadership, personal growth, speaking, trusting God
POSTED IN: church leadership, faith, faith blog, leadership, personal growth, speaking, trusting God
Our daughter, Hannah, was home from college last weekend. Jon and I took her out for breakfast one morning and I just couldn’t help but stare at her . There she was, in the flesh, sitting across the table eating chocolate chip pancakes and telling us about life at school in Arizona. I reached across the table to hold her hand, and she laughed and said, “Mom, why are you being so weird?” I laughed back, “I know, I just miss you when you are away and am so glad to be talking to you face to face.”
I do miss her, but I am really thankful for this little technology marvel called Facetime that she and I use when she is back at school. It is the next best thing to watching her eat chocolate chip pancakes in person. I love Facetime because I can experience her world a little better. Sometimes she is walking through campus, or washing her face in the mirror, or in line at Chipotle. I’m right there, connected with her.
It is a far cry from communication of the past. My in-laws were in town a couple of weeks ago and they were telling stories of when my father-in-law, Vin, was stationed on an aircraft carrier at sea for six months at a time while in the military. Letters were the only way of communication to his wife and kids except for the occasional phone call. These phone calls would have no prior notice and my mother-in-law would have to just hope she was at home to receive the call on her land-line.
I am sure during those many months home as a single-mom, my mother-in-law longed for a face to face conversation with her husband, or to reach out and hold his hand, as did my father-in-law on a ship at sea for days on end. And I’m sure they would have been thrilled to be able to FaceTime each other each night. It would have dramatically changed the experience for them.
I think that we often communicate with God in pre-FaceTime mindset.
We send up a “letter” to God, a one way form of communication with hopes of receiving an answer back sometime in the future. We perceive our relationship with him to be long-distance. We hope we are listening and aware when he hopefully decides to respond to a prayer. When we pray it is without assurance that someone is really listening on the other side.
And then we wonder why our connection to God is struggling and why he seems unreachable.
It’s time for a technology update in our prayer life.
I just finished reading the newly published book, Talking To Jesus, by Jeannie Blackmer. Jeannie writes about how the bible records many conversations people had with Jesus, and if we took a fresh look at those conversations as “prayers” it gives us a whole new perspective on how reachable, close and present Jesus really is.
Men and women in the bible approached Jesus during his time on earth with different requests or situations. And he responded. Like when he was sought out by the grieving ruler whose daughter had just died of a mysterious illness. Jesus responded by walking to the ruler’s house, taking the child’s hand and commanding her to wake up. She immediately began breathing again.
Let that sink in. Regular folks like you and me approached the Son of God and asked for physical healing, or to understand him better, or to calm a storm, or for wisdom or direction, or to describe the cost of following him. And he listened and had a response to their need.
Aren’t those the topics we go to God with every day? What if we truly believed we had direct access to him anytime. What if we embraced the fact that Jesus wants to communicate and respond to our needs just as earnestly now as he did in biblical times? How would that change our prayer life?
While true face to face conversations with Jesus will happen only when we get to heaven, I do think we can liken our prayer life to a Facetime call. He is right there, having a conversation with me and acknowledging my questions and concerns. His responses are not random. I can picture his face and his loving expressions…and maybe entertain the idea that he’s eating chocolate chip pancakes while we talk.
I realize this metaphor might be stretching it a bit…but here my point. Let’s not treat our interactions with God as if he is far away, with time and distance preventing intimate, present, personal relationship.
And the disciples asked Jesus, “Where are we going to get enough bread in such a desolate place to feed so great a crowd?” Matthew15:33
Personal, present, honest.
What if we asked Jesus for help in our lives today as assuredly as the real people who did 2000 years ago? What if we got rid of our old technology mindset?
Jeannie explores this idea with beautiful conversations and written illustrations in her book. If you would like to understand this personal way of praying even more, I would highly recommend reading TALKING TO JESUS. Not only does she share the conversations people had with Jesus in detail and depth, but she then invites us into personal reflection that encourages us to go deeper in our own prayer lives.
If you struggle with prayer like so many of us, this book is a must read…you may even begin to experience Jesus like he is sitting right across the table from you, listening to you talk, reaching for more syrup.
You can get the book here: http://amzn.to/2y2Y1Rf
Blessings to you this week!
PS: I am posting on my Facebook Community Blog page every week with design tips, projects I am working on, parenting thoughts and faith encouragement! Like the page at: http://www.facebook.com/amyhayesblog/
POSTED IN: Christianity, faith, faith blog, God, prayer, Talking To Jesus, Updating Prayer Life
POSTED IN: Christianity, faith, faith blog, God, prayer, Talking To Jesus, Updating Prayer Life
Who is my cute-mom/designer idol of the year? You can probably guess. Joanna Gaines. I just call her JoJo because we are close. She is on our TV, on the Magnolia magazine cover that sits on our coffee table, on a book by my nightstand, and her signature design inspiration is all over our house. Yep, closer than bark on a tree. At least from my perspective.
But why? Why do I and so many others just love Chip, Jo and their show Fixer Upper? There are many reasons (so many…) but I think the heart of it is transformation. We are suckers for a good makeover, aren’t we? We love to see old and worn transformed to new and beautiful. Our eyes fix on the story of renewal, restoration, and an amazing reveal. This is human nature. It’s why we love stories of brokenness redeemed. And Chip and Jo create this inspiring experience for in every show.
But there is a greater story of redemption that Fixer Upper always reminds me of. In our own lives, when we take that leap of faith and decide to follow God, we begin to experience our own makeover. It happens when we ask forgiveness for our sin and brokenness, and invite Jesus to walk with us in all the intricacies of our daily lives.
It is then the construction begins.
Once in our lives, we lived covered in fading wallpaper and peeling paint, our fresh foundation layered by flooring we no longer wanted, and our cracks and mismatched rooms (which we tried to hide) were not really hidden from anyone. We genuinely tried to present a better outside to the world, but if the world was to open the door and peek inside this is what it would find– shame, guilt, pride, arrogance, betrayal, greed, selfishness, idolatry. It’s an ugly list, and not a complete one, but we have all lived it in some way, shape or form.
But then, Jesus invited us into relationship with him. And we took his hand, timidly, expectantly, and accepted.
He began to rebuild a new home in us. Slowly…over time. Tearing down old patterns and thoughts, removing walls we had built, opening up space and breathing room in our souls. He peeled back the layers of protection we had covered ourselves with and like a life-giving balm, painted his word on our hearts.
This is what God does.
He is a restorer. A redeemer. A perfect designer of the life he has invited us to.
A life of confidence and peace and love and joy and grace.
And he hauls away all the old–that ugly list from before. He heals the wounds of shame, he teaches us to not listen to the voice of guilt, he changes our pride to humility and grace, our arrogance fades away as we realize our identity in Christ, he forgives us for betrayal, he replaces selfishness with generosity, he asks us to worship Him alone.
God’s process of building is more than a few months. It can take a lifetime. So before the new home in us is finished, we can place a welcome mat at our front door. It says, “Come in! I am a work in progress, but I have a master-builder crafting my soul. Come in and see what he is working on today.”
So the next time you are watching Fixer Upper, think about these things. Be reminded of how God is beautifully fixing us up! He patiently works over our broken areas, with a good plan, carefully drawn. If we let him, in his time he will do a great work in us.
And…if God created Joanna and all her talents, how much more can we trust his design work in us!
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“Look at Mo!” several voices called out around me. I steadied myself on our boat and turned around to see our small white-haired Bichon Poo swimming frantically through the water towards me. His head was barely above water and the waves lapped over his face, but he was the most determined little dog-paddler I had ever seen.
Minutes before, my husband and a boat full of kids had pulled into the beach area. As kids piled off to give turns to the next group, I kicked off my flipflops on the beach and grabbed a towel for the next ride. I proceeded to wade the distance out to where the boat was anchored, not noticing our little puff ball of a dog whining and pacing on the beach where I had left him in the commotion of all the people getting in and out of the water.
I had reached the boat and was climbing aboard when Mo started swimming.
There are two things about Mo that you should know.
One, he has NEVER voluntarily swam in the water anywhere anytime (most likely because he fell off the back of a fast moving speed boat when he was just a wee pup and was under water much longer than he probably liked).
Two, he loves me more than I can even imagine.
It was the combination of these two facts that made the event so amazing. Mo, who most likely watched me in total anxiety as I left him alone on the beach to get on the boat, decided to overcome his great fear of the water out of sheer love. He was going to swim to me no matter what the cost.
I turned to my friend on the boat as we watched Mo paddle towards us and shook my head, “Mo loves me more than he is afraid of the water.”
Love casts out fear.
Fear holds us back from so very much.
Love overcomes fear, diminishes it, loosens its grip on our lives:
~It is the wife who continues to trust even when trust has been broken because she loves her husband more than the fear of betrayal.
~It is the mother who lets her child soar with her dreams even though she wants more than anything to just keep that child home, safe.
~It’s the neighbor who loves sharing God with others, because he knows what it has done in his life, more than the fear of being rejected.
~It is love of freedom that helps overcome the fear of letting that addiction go. ~It is love of restoration and healing that allows us to swallow our pride (and the fear attached, of losing or not being right) ~ It is the love of pursuing our dreams that overcomes the fear of failure
Its you and me, loving God more than the fear of what life holds, and choosing to trust and walk with him even in the most desperate and uncertain of circumstances.
That day a little dog created a picture for me that I will carry forward. I can push through my fears with love as my motivator.
What, friends, are we afraid of? Loss? Rejection? Betrayal? Death? Failure?
Whatever that fear, find what you love MORE and lean into it. Let it become more powerful than anything else.
Try this: I love _________________more than I fear ________________.
There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. The Message, 1 John 4:18
And where do we find the strength to do that? We fix our eyes on Jesus. The one who gives strength, miraculous peace, healing, power, hope, and confidence to our fearful souls.
As Mo reached the back of the boat, his little eyes that were filled with terror fixed on me. His mom. The one thing that he lives for (pathetic but true). I reached down and pulled his wet soggy body out of the water, wrapped him in a towel and held him close. He didn’t care where we were going, or how long we would be on the boat. It didn’t matter. His fear was gone. His love had conquered the distance between he and his mama.
Happy Valentines Day!
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Do you remember when we were growing up and used to play four-square at recess? There were so many times where I’d do a double bounce and yet because we were all having so much fun someone would say, “Do over!” Or when I served a ball that clearly landed outside the boundary and a kind friend would say, “Do over!” I loved those moments. The ones that kept me in the game even when I deserved to be kicked out.
As I reflect on the past year, I could certainly use a “do over” in different areas–parenting, marriage, even my blogging and design work. There are always mistakes made, but there also somehow seems to be grace in the mix, and I think I feel it the most this time of year–when in the new year I get to shake the dust off my boots (especially the cute ones I just got for Christmas) and receive another chance to do better.
The idea of new beginnings is not new. God set this into the framework of time and space-through the seasons (Earth’s tilt), the new year (Earth’s travel around the sun), and the new day (Earth’s rotation). His word says that he has new mercies waiting for us each and every morning.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Don’t you just love that? Whatever it is that holds us back, that weighs us down, that we wish we had done differently….we get a second chance, and a third, and a fourth. Just like the trees that get the chance to grow taller and stronger with each passing spring, so do we.
So let’s take a deep breath as the new year approaches. In what areas do you want to grow taller and stronger in 2017?
Health? Spirituality? Relationships? Finances? Marriage? Parenting? Work?
Ask yourself some questions:
1. In what part of your life do you want a fresh start?
2. What went well last year that you want to continue?
3. What didn’t?
4. In what areas do you want a “do over”?
Invite God into this process. What work is He doing in you right now? What new adventures is He inviting you to take?
Maybe God is saying, “It’s okay, this is a journey. This will work itself out in time,” or maybe He has been gently convicting your heart for a while now that it’s time for you to take some steps in a better direction.
This process of reflection is so important if we are to move ahead in growth and maturity. Take some time today to write your thoughts down, or find some quiet time to just be still and think.
If you need some help, Michael Hyatt has put together a “Life Assessment” which is a short online questionnaire to help you identify areas of strength and weakness. I took it and it confirmed what I suspected but made it much more real to see it “scored.” I clearly see the areas where I need to set some new goals! There is not a follow up to this survey–the webinar he attached it to is no longer running–I just used it for my own personal assessment:
I love second chances because it means I don’t have to stay stuck. That my mistakes and flops and areas of partial growth do not have to be my only story. I get to write a new chapter this coming year. I get a do-over!
Have a good day my friend!
In my next post I will share some more concrete strategies on how to create New Year Resolutions that stick! (more…)
I shared in my last post about our house journey over the past year, and how unexpected so many pieces of it were, and not in a good way. There was disappointment and questioning and difficulty coming to grips with the fact that the story I had written for myself wasn’t the story that was actually happening.
Yet, in the end, it was the best story for us. Not because of how the chapters wrapped up, but because of what change occurred in me and our family in the middle of the book, when the ending was unclear. I am a different, better version of myself this year…more trusting in God and more faithful in my worship of Him. Two things that are priceless to me as I continue my journey in life.
What story is being written in your life right now? Is it different than the story you had mapped out for yourself?
Just like Jesus arriving in baby flesh and total dependence instead of pomp and circumstance and royal authority, we have a story that is often different than expected. But there are great gifts waiting if we choose to embrace the story (regardless how different) our heavenly author has written for us.
Gifts of maturity and faith and total dependence on something wiser and greater than ourselves~ultimately gifts of peace.
Maybe this is why Jesus’s birth was the perfect example of dependence. He was a helpless, vulnerable babe, accepting the story his Heavenly Father had written for him. Jesus has always lived out reality for us in human form, from the very straw and night and stars and mother’s kiss that welcomed his arrival.
This Christmas, when we are in the thick if a story we didn’t write, lets remember that we have a God who only writes perfect stories. And in His stories He cares deeply about us, and wants to draw us near Him as we learn to trust in His goodness and embrace our dependence on Him.
He will bring us peace and hope.
Have a blessed Christmas.
Hello! Today on the blog I am sharing a story I have been wanting to tell for months…but it just hasn’t seemed like the right timing. And then the Christmas season arrived and I began thinking about waiting– waiting for the celebration, anticipating the excitement of the season, and the waiting that happened for the generations of Israelites in anticipation of the birth of their King.
It reminded me of my story from the last year–one of anticipation but of much waiting. A true time of testing for me. You may want to snuggle in for the video which is a bit longer than I wanted–it is, after all, a story of waiting. But it is a message of hope and encouragement for those of us who are expectant of life to somehow work itself out differently than it seems, that there is One who knows us and sees us while we wait.
You may be in a time of waiting, and it may not be wrapped up neatly in a bow like ours was in the end. It may take a long, long time for the story to play out.
But please hear this–it is not how the story ends that is important…it is how God changes us in the midst of our waiting.
THIS is when he pulls up a chair to talk, because we are often ready to listen. Hear what he is whispering, lean in to his voice of love and grace and trust.
He’s got this.
Merry Christmas to you!
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The last couple of weeks have been rich in connection for me.
Last weekend I attended a retreat at an adorable Bed and Breakfast for a leadership class. In the evening, after class had finished, we all sat in an ornately decorated dining room around a large dark wood table and played Apples to Apples and Four Corners and teased and joked as thirteen women at 11:00 pm will do. When we all headed to bed, I said good night to my roomie that I didn’t know very well. We turned out the lights, and then something sparked a conversation about our past teaching days. For a half an hour we laughed until our sides hurt telling really funny stories…it was priceless.
The next morning my college girlfriends were in town for a visit and picked me up from the retreat.
We spent the day in Estes Park paddleboarding (more laughing) and then heading to Boulder for dinner. Before dinner we drove by the house “on the Hill” where we all lived together in college, and saw there was a party going on. Only one of the girls in our group was sane and suggested we don’t go in, but the rest of us out-voted her and when a young man outside invited us in we just couldn’t resist the chance to see the inside of the house we lived in 25 years ago.
It was so interesting how the entire house cleared out when five forty-something moms walked in…Here we are being troublemakers…the house is behind us.
We giggled about that whole scene on the rooftop of a Mexican restaurant that evening. Along with sharing so much more about our kids and jobs and homes and lives.
The week before I met two friends for lunch–we gather three times a year to celebrate each of our birthdays. We have been doing this for years and have walked through so much together. We spent this whole lunch wrestling through some hard topics around faith and our lives…our time connecting was as rich and satisfying as the food we ate.
Then this past weekend, Jon and I invited our whole street (our new house sits in the middle of two culdesacs) over for a Fall Chili Dinner. We don’t know all of our new neighbors and wanted to connect. Over thirty adults and kids came and we stood and sat out back by the fire in the crisp evening air and just got to know each other.
All of this fills me up overflowing.
My guess is your life is full of dear people who you long to connect with, over coffee or a warm meal, in your home or theirs. Couples, friends, family, neighbors. To share your life and to know what is going on in theirs, so you can support and encourage and love each other.
We have a gravitational-like pull to be known, to connect.
I think it’s important to remember that all of these times, these connecting moments together, are an expression of God here on earth.
He created us to know and be known.
Adam was not at his best alone, so God created Eve. So they could be in each other’s lives and know each other.
Elizabeth and Mary, relatives and friends that helped and encouraged each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Jesus and his disciples. They showed up in each other’s lives. They knew each other.
And at an even deeper, richer, more intimate level, God wants this know/known relationship with us.
He knows us. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. ~Psalm 139:13
He wants to be known. Be still and know I am God. ~Psalm 46:10
But Why? Because in the same way as I feel so loved and connected with my husband or children or friends when we have spent time sharing words and thoughts and feelings, God also provides us with love and connection when we know him.
He fills us up, satisfies our soul, causes all the shiny attractions of the world to fade away because we are completely, wholly, deeply known and understood by our Creator.
So the next time you are sipping Starbucks with a girlfriend, or sharing your day with your spouse, or just hugging your little one without saying any words at all, remember that this is a reflection of a God who has created us for relationship with each other and Him.
Questions to Consider:
- What is it that you love most about connecting with others?
- Do you have any hesitation to being known by others? Why do you think that may be?
- What do you think about being fully known by God?
- Who do you want to connect with this week? How can you make that happen?
Today, find time to connect, to know and be known.
COMING UP: This Wednesday I will be sharing the Ultimate Healthy Bundle on my site--this is AMAZING! You won’t believe all the products, courses, printables, etc. that you can get at a super-low price that will help you and your family live the most healthy life possible. Stay tuned…
It has been far too long since I’ve posted, a result of our life “derailing” from normal after selling our house two months ago. Since then our family of five has moved three times, lived in a friend’s basement and then a home we rented, and finally in to our new home three weeks ago.
All this was planned, thought out, and expected (although much of the process had unexpected twists), so it surprised me how challenging it was for me personally to “get through” these past few months with a positive attitude.
During this interim time our family of five lived out of seven blue tubs we had packed with clothes and personal items. We existed on dinners of Chipotle and Kraft Mac and Cheese because of limited kitchen space and and stretched thin mom who wouldn’t love cooking even in ideal conditions. Our family felt disjointed not having our “normal” routines and space, and the rainy cold spring added to the unrest. Our dogs found their own form of crazy (one of them peeing indoors and barking neurotically, challenging at one’s own house but really fun when it’s at your best friend’s house).
For a while I thought I was struggling to stay positive because there was no end in sight–we were having an extremely difficult time finding a new house after we sold ours. But then, we found a great house, and had a closing date and everything, but my restlessness grew as our familiar “more comfortable” life seemed just a reach away.
Why was it so important for me to find normal again?
I asked myself many times, “Why is this so difficult? God has blessed us with wonderful friends to house us temporarily, we know we will find a home eventually, our kids are healthy and handling this transition better that expected. So why the discomfort?
The answer came to me once again, as it has over and over in all the unknowns over the last year with our moving story.
Our strengthening comes in the discomfort.
This time has felt like “how to keep a positive attitude boot camp,” and I know that like the true military boot camp, with the purpose of strengthening physical muscles and endurance, this time for me has been an emotional and spiritual strengthening.
I have been forced to release my grip on managing everything the way I want it to go. I have had to let go of normal, which involves me having a lot of control over my life.
And that is good.
God is stretching and teaching me to let go, to again, trust him. To again, remember that the little daily comforts and order I am used to need not to be taken for granted. To believe that he has a purpose for every difficult time we go through–to decrease our self-sufficiency and increase our God-sufficiency.
One of the largest parts of “me” that I have had to release in the past couple of months is writing this blog. I think about it every day, but feel like I have been in survival mode for so long that it takes sitting in a hotel room with my family sleeping to find head and heart space to finally write.
We did move into our new house three weeks ago and it is so very good. I am so grateful for the little things like a desk to work at and some of the homey decorations we had packed away. And the big things, like our family re-connecting and bonding over settling into our new space.
But normal is still to come. In a few hours our family is about to get on a plane to Haiti to serve with a Healing Haiti team in the poorest part of the world. Here is an excerpt from a woman who returned a few months ago from this trip as she relays vignettes of people she met:
Hello. My name is Mardy. I am 23 years old. I’ve been living in front of the hospital for a while. A few months ago I got raped and now I am pregnant. I’ve had a stroke and I am in the hospital now. I can’t move my left arm but that’s not the worse part. I am all alone; with no one to help me. I don’t know how I will take care of my baby once it’s born and where I’ll go and how we will survive.
This experience we are about to have, the conditions and desperation we are about to encounter will feel as far from normal as we have probably ever known.
But we can’t wait. If there is anything I have learned recently is that God shows up when I feel helpless and out of control. It is during these times I have eyes that more clearly see Him at work. I have a heart open to what he needs to speak into it.
So I ask you, where is your normal being challenged?
Where can you find God’s hand in your story right now?
What is he teaching you?
Whether your lack of “normal” was a choice (like ours) or unexpectedly happened to you, I hope that you can find some peace as you wrestle through this time. Whether it is temporary or permanent, I pray that you will see God’s handiwork in the plan of changing your heart to rely more on Him and less on you. These are certainly the lessons He has taught me.
God bless you,